I Don't Like

I don't like the noise that comes into my space,
I don't like the sights that can bring down my face.
I don't like my hair or my nose that's too long,
I don't like to talk 'cause the words are all wrong.
I don't like the fries if they're soggy to hold,
I don't like them wilted, and salty and cold.
I don't like the time that's been taking a hike,
I don't like not trading the times I don't like.
I love these things I don't like when you're here,
 I'll gripe when the things I don't like reappear. 

The Goal of Stamina and the Defeat of Aphasia

The goal of stamina. It's an increase.  It's strengthening. It's endurance. It's practice. It's short, then it's longer. It's a goal. I've not heard the word stamina much. Now I hear it constantly. It's stamina.

Reading is the increase of time which one can endure. It's a triumph for the teacher to guide a small reader to look at a book without constantly flipping the pages, looking at other readers and sights around the classroom, and yawning or slouching. It's stamina. 

Working is the increase of time which one can endure. It's triumph for the one who returns to a job after an illness without tiring. Months, January through June, are gone. July began with two: hours a day, and days a week. October marched in and there were more...four! Endurance with the appropriate break and recharge. It's longer. It's a goal. It's a triumph. It's stamina. 

My esteemed colleagues teach the concept of stamina to the small readers. In turn, they have taught me what stamina is. The therapist, too, taught the concept of stamina, and I learned of the strengthening and endurance. I have reinforced the concept of stamina to a small struggling reader. I have had the first reading conferences. I am stronger. Its a longer period of time. It's a goal. It's a triumph. It's stamina.

The defeat of aphasia. It's a decrease. It a weakening. It's embarrassment. It's anxiety. It's patience. It's practice. It's restarting. It's not a goal. I rarely hear the word. It's aphasia.

A slip of the tongue. A trip to the altar to receive Communion. The brain says, "Amen." The mouth said, "Thank you." The brain says that this was 'The Papal Visit' this past September in Philadelphia. The mouth said the 'Paper Visit.' The brain knows that the Pope is the 'Pontiff.' The mouth said 'Plaintiff.'

A bigger slip of the tongue. I started back to work. The stamina was growing. The goal is for me to be at school for the children during small group time. This would be from 10:00 A.M. to 2:00 P.M. every day. It's a goal. An arrival time at 9:30 A.M. would enable me to be there for the students. I texted my coworkers to let them know that I would be there at 9:30 A.M. I can't text, and I never could, so I texted, "9:30." It's short. It's to the point. All but one of the coworkers knew what I was talking about. That coworker was not in on the quest for stamina. I began to tell another coworker about the reaction to the group text and how "9:30" was vague and not nice. The brain said "I sent a group text." The mouth said, "I sent a group sext." This is not a goal. It's embarrassing. It's not a triumph. It's aphasia.  

One day at a time. It's stamina. It's anxiety. It's patience. It's a goal. It's increasing. It's the return to normalcy. Aphasia is not a goal. It's decreasing. That's a goal. The slips are fewer. It's practice. 

Defeat Aphasia 

Increase Stamina

Onward and upward to fluent reading, multitasking, and independence. They are growing. They are  goals. I will triumph!

Dialogue: February, Other Women, Church, and Whereabouts

The first days of my hospital stay were the last days of January, and the next days were the beginning of February. Like a kid, I was asked time and again what day it was, and when my birthday was. The answer was, "F," then "Feb," and finally on second day of the new month, "February." February was my word. I was just like a little kid who repeated a new word over and over. Like a little kid when I was asked a question, any question, I answered my new word...February!

Somewhere out there on a unnamed phone is a horrible video from February 3th of me....just me....at a hospital, in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, and with five days of whiskers on. I don't remember many moments in the first days of the recovery process. Now with technology at my fingertips, or rather, my daughter's fingertips, I can relive and be thankful for the progress that continues to grow.

This is the transcript from the audio portion of the video:

Daughter Karen: What's your name?

Me: (confidently)  Joseph Bonanno.

*************

Karen: What day is it?

Me: (momentary pause) It's February.......1. 2, 3, 12.....1, 2, 3, 4, 5.....

Wife Jackie: (during my counting) You're gonna go to 2000!

Me: (continuing to count) 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15!

Jackie: Yes! Very Good! (Smiles all around)

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Karen: What is your wife's name?

Me: (short pause)  Car....Carrie....Connie.....Karen (short pause) Hold on. Febr...

Jackie: How many wives you got? (laughing around)

Me: Say it again.

Karen: Uh, Jackie!

Me: (smiling and uttering in a silly and endearing tone)  Jackie! My Jackie.

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Karen: Can you say your kids' names?

Me: Um...Karen!

        Benny...Bonnie...Ba...Karen...John!

        Bronnie...Bronnie....Bron...

Jackie: Brian.

Me: Brian!

        K...K...K...Fa...F...N..

Jackie: Kevin

Me: Say it again.

Jackie: Kevin.

Me: Kevin...That's him!

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Karen: Where do you live?

Me: Oh,  Really?  Ff...Ff  (silly faces and sounds)  ah...February!  (everybody laughs)

Karen: Really, you live in February?

Me: Pa...Par

Karen:  Par?

Me: Par...

Karen: Park?

Me: Parf...

Karen: Parkes?

Me: Parfs...

Jackie: Parkes...burg....Parkesburg.

Me: Park...es....It's that.

Karen: Okay.

**************************

Jackie: What's the name of your church?

Me: Oh, Leave me a alone! (everybody laughs)

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Karen: We have one more. Where do you work?

Me: At Ch...f....no...at the school..........At the school.  (confidently)

Jackie:  Can you say the name of the school?

Me: No.

Jackie: It's Octorara.

Me: Febru...

Karen:  Why do you say February for everything? (laughing) Do you want to say your birthday.

Me: I tried.

Karen: When is your birthday?

Me: February.

Karen: Can you say 'My birthday is...'

Me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Karen:  (coaching) My birthday is...

Me: My........Mine is...

Karen: No, Cheater! (laughing)

Me: February...Feb.....

Karen: You said 'birthday' yesterday!

Me: Birthday!

Karen: There ya go! Say goodbye!

(I wave goodbye to the camera)

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