Early in December, I pretended to be a Reader's Workshop curmudgeon for Ms. L's third graders. A curmudgeon was needed to show the students how NOT to approach a book. I don't understand why the students immediately looked at me when Ms. L told them what a curmudgeon was and said there was one right here in this room. One little lady even turned to me and said, "Is it you?" I glared at her. I proceeded to read unenthusiastically and complain about the content of the book, a pigeon wanting to drive a bus, being too dumb. I called pigeons dirty city birds, and complained about the terrible illustrations. I was miserable. It was a stretch for me, but I made it through......How fun. Figure 1 |
Then, one mid-December morning, my need for a few things at Walmart resulted in a $101.00 grocery bill. To make things worse, the parking lot was full of cold, confused and melancholy seagulls making me long for summer. (See Figure 1) The topper, however, was the unsightly dandruff falling from the sky. I say we get a huge vat of Head and Shoulders and control the culprit....smother the mother! Bah, Humbug! |
Figure 2
Later in December, my supervisor, who more than knows my fear and dislike of snow, and who shall remain unnamed...nah, let's call her Amy...gave me an early Christmas gift: The Original Instant Snow in a can. (See Figure 2) "Looks and feels like Real Snow!" boasted the can.
"Note: Normal use will not cause harm to humans," assured the can.
"Warning: Do not eat. May cause blockage of airway if swallowed." That's one thoughtful can.
To my surprise, when I opened the can, all I found was a little blue shovel, and a suspicious tiny plastic bag with a little white powder in it, sort of like a miniature replica of those bags of white powder on television crime programs. I was home alone. I looked around and saw the coast was clear, and I opened the bag and poured it into a glass and added water....and....Voila!!
Thanks, Supervisor, a.k.a. Amy. It worked. Soon I had something that looked like real snow in a glass on my kitchen table. (See Figure 3) I can't contain myself. How fun. Bah, Humbug!
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| Figure 2 |
Later in December, my supervisor, who more than knows my fear and dislike of snow, and who shall remain unnamed...nah, let's call her Amy...gave me an early Christmas gift: The Original Instant Snow in a can. (See Figure 2) "Looks and feels like Real Snow!" boasted the can.
"Note: Normal use will not cause harm to humans," assured the can.
"Warning: Do not eat. May cause blockage of airway if swallowed." That's one thoughtful can.
To my surprise, when I opened the can, all I found was a little blue shovel, and a suspicious tiny plastic bag with a little white powder in it, sort of like a miniature replica of those bags of white powder on television crime programs. I was home alone. I looked around and saw the coast was clear, and I opened the bag and poured it into a glass and added water....and....Voila!!
Thanks, Supervisor, a.k.a. Amy. It worked. Soon I had something that looked like real snow in a glass on my kitchen table. (See Figure 3) I can't contain myself. How fun. Bah, Humbug!
