Giant

Last night I drove my son Brian to his dance class, which was an hour away from home, and had an hour and a half to kill. We needed a few odds and ends at the grocery store. So, I went to a Giant near the dance studio and moseyed down the unfamiliar aisles of this foreign store. The store was huge and I knew I would never find everything I needed, but I knew I needed cold cuts, so I proceeded to find the Deli Department. I cheerfully got to the counter and retrieved my number from the dispenser. My number was called and I ordered my turkey breast and American cheese and proceeded back to the cart, leaning on it for comfort and support while the cheerful clerk cut my deli meat. The next thing I knew a cheerful looking man came up to me and smiled.  I smiled back. He glanced at the cart and looked at me again. I glanced at the cart and looked at him and smiled and said, "How ya doin'?" He replied, "Good, how are you?" I replied with a friendly smile, "Good." He let a few short seconds go by and said, "May I have my cart back?" Suddenly the cart wasn't so comfortable and supportive. I could feel my face turning the color of a red delicious apple, so I smiled and apologized profusely, returned his cart to him, got my deli meat and put it in my cart, and went on my way. Years ago I would have been awake during the night thinking about that incident and figuring out ways to prevent that type of embarrassment from ever affecting my sanity again. Thank God for the gift of maturity and seeing the humor in such a comical interaction, for my newly found selective memory enabling me to forget about it, for the recliner I sit in to watch television, and finally for the Academy Award producers for bringing us a spectacle the length of which ultimately placed me comfortably into a state of slumber.

Variables

Last night I went out on a date. I didn't intend for it to be a date.  I expected I'd be roaming around the town I needed to be in alone, looking for an open Target to explore. Our youngest son, Brian, needed to be in Media, Pennsylvania, for a fundraising event. The gusty winds of the day before were gone, but my wife, Jackie, and I let the boughs of indecision sway to and fro. Should I expect to do the hour-long drive, or should she?  The inconclusiveness led us to our Entertainment Book and a coupon for the Beanery, a coffee house. So, Variable One was that the three of us were unexpectedly in the car en route to Media.

Variable two surfaced when we dropped Brian off at his destination, and proceeded to find the Beanery, which  was closed. Not anticipating this, we proceeded to Variable Three, a nearby Starbuck's, which was still open, and soon we surprised ourselves with the Fourth Variable - the two of us perched in Starbuck's with an IPod with WIFI capability and two cups of coffee in hand, and two hours to just talk...which we did.

Now I emphasize words like unexpected, unanticipated, and surprise. The events of last night may seem mundane, but nearly three decades ago, those three words were not in my vocabulary....at all!

I was twenty-five. I had gone to the same college as my father did, Drexel University.  My routine consisted of commuting to and from school on the same train every day, and arrival and departure times depended solely on my class schedule. No surprise there. Upon graduation, I got a job in the offices of an auto parts distributer.  I drove to and from work...got there at eight and left at five...every day. Very routine, to say the least.No variables.  I was a homebody. I didn't do the singles scene because I didn't like second hand smoke and loud noise. I was content living with my parents. I was comfortable with my life. I periodically went out on a Friday or Saturday night to a restaurant or a movie, but soon returned home, where it was normal. I had sworn that I would never marry because I was too set in my ways. I enjoyed my space too much.

Then IT happened...the unexpected, the unanticipated, the surprise. At twenty-five, I was not in a relationship, was in a less than fulfilling job, was yearning to live independently, and had the desire to get away. So, this run-of-the-mill guy did what any guy who doesn't like the unexpected, any cautious introvert, would do...I booked a cruise! I would sail on a ship I had never heard of, spend my time with a singles group with members I had never met, and share a room with a total stranger. I expected that I would have a much-needed gataway, but could never anticipate what was to follow.

The first variable that led me to Starbucks last night was this: the cruise I had reserved would sail from May 1st through the 8th, 1982. About two weeks before departure, the travel agent called and asked if I could delay my sailing by one week. Oh, the anxiety!  I would have to get the nod from the powers that be at my job. I would have to delay the much needed escape for a whole week.  Would I change my mind? Would it all be too much to anticipate for an extra week? I was now going on my first cruise on May 8th.

The second variable was the singles' social aboard the ship on May 9th. While my newfound single friends partied, I found myself way out of place. I remember meeting Jackie for the first time, along with a friend of hers, her traveling companion. They were not a part of the singles group. We exchanged pleasantries and in talking, discovered that Jackie and I lived seven minutes from each other. I got along very well with my roommate and the girls were certainly pleasant company. We were all fast friends.  There were others, but for me these three would make great regulars to hang out with. We had fun. We sipped bloody Mary's by the pool. We danced to many songs I was not familiar with, having listened to rock and adult contemporary up to that point. I needed to periodically seek the peacefulness of the ocean, which was a shaky blue spectacle the likes of which I had never seen before. It was just the escape from the singles scene and return to my comfort zone I needed to keep me going for a whole week.  As the week progressed and the singles grew weary of the constant partying, it was decided that the four of us would meet at Jackie's in about a month to share some pictures and reminisce.

The third variable was the bus ride from the dock in New York City to Philadelphia. Jackie's friend had fallen asleep. My roommate had gone on his way to his home. So, Jackie and I were left with a bus full of sleeping people and two hours with nothing to do but talk, which we did!

The final variable was the reunion.  Jackie and I had spoken and even gotten together as friends during the time between the cruise and the get-together.  We had a wonderful time bowling, talking, sharing family stories, and just being together. The reunion was splendid.  Good food, lots of laughs, shared memories...but suddenly I realized that what mattered most in that room that night was Jackie. We decided that the next morning we would get together to play tennis. I had a tennis racquet.  I don't know where I got the tennis racquet, but suddenly, I found myself playing tennis. I don't like tennis, but I loved it that day. Then there was more talking, more places to go, and before we knew it, July had approached and we were dating.

Before long it was September and that guy who would never marry was smitten. On September 23rd, we decided to get engaged,

and on May 21, 1983, Jackie and I got married.

Then came a new set of variables. Variable One came in 1985. We called him Kevin. A Second Variable followed in 1986. He was John. Then, a Girl Variable arrived in 1989 and we called her Karen. A final variable, the previously mentioned Brian, graced us with his presence in 1994.

...and there you have it.  Without the cruise scheduled on that day in May, there would be no Jackie, no bus trip from New York, and no reunion. Without that reunion, there would be no tennis, no talking, no engagement or wedding.  Without that wedding, there would be no Kevin, John, Karen, or Brian.  Finally, without Brian, there would be no outing to Media, no Entertainment Book, no Starbuck's, and no cozy table for two.

Sometimes the words unexpected, unanticipated and surprise are not in my life as much as they should be. I rely too much on a schedule, a comfort zone, and don't take chances. I am grateful, however, for those times when circumstances led me to those variables that led me to Starbuck's last night.