The Gift of Christmas

I love the gift of Christmas!

This Christmas season was packed with gifts.  No, not the expensive kind that the television people told me I'd be happy with.  I'm talking gifts from the heart, more treasures from the past discovered, family moments, and a reunion with some family members not seen in several years....

GIFT #1:
When my son's family was making my Christmas gift,
 little Jackie asked him what Grandpa Joe likes so she could
 decorate it.  He answered, "The Beatles."
  Jackie exclaimed, "Oh, I can
draw them!"
 ...and so she did, and I have a new favorite mug!

GIFT #2:

The Bonanno family Christmas gathering this year was especially festive.  It was the first time these two little cousins met.  The little girl, of course, is my two-year-old granddaughter Jenna, 
and the little boy is my sister's one-year-old grandson Nicholas.  Nicholas showed gentlemanly one-year-old affection for his cousin and Jenna was appropriately subdued for a two-year-old older woman.

GIFT #3:
The milestone of the year was the addition of my grandson Jeffrey to my timeline.  This photo was taken at the hospital in October of 2014. We had a big "AWWWW" moment after opening this enlarged and framed version of the photo, given to us by our daughter Karen.  Yes, sometimes simple is better.....  

GIFT #4
Christmas Day 2014:  
Sometimes it works 
best to let the picture do the talking!

GIFT #5:
A Christmas season discovery:
The first picture I can ever remember seeing of my mother holding me as an infant.  I thought there were none.....

GIFT #6:

I Love Christmas!

I love it all.  

I love the cookie baking and eating.  

I love pumpkin pie.

I love the annual viewings of It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, and countless others.  

I love the music.  Each year I try to add a new album to my library.  This year's new Christmas find in the world of music was a 2008 set by Tommy James. I am old enough to remember Tommy James and the Shondells from the 1960's, so this set of reverently rocking Christmas standards and new compositions was the perfect purchase for this year and gave me that Christmas feeling with each spin.

I love my family.  The family time that exists without the burdens of school-work and work-work is irreplaceable.  Scrabble, Headbands, family movie time, a cup of tea with some cookies...

I love the tree, the lights, and the home...

I love the gift of Christmas!

Too Close to Home

A world, a country, a town

A world becomes less magic and more tragic

Less agile and more fragile

Ravage as a head-hungry savage far away does damage 

As the comedians have either gone away or led us astray

A Missouri community scorned and torn

Mourns and searches to be reborn,

And at home the children taken

Leaving all ages shaken feeling forsaken

Though we'd never met, these babes I won't forget

The one who was barely past bottling,coddling, toddling age

The ones who had reached driving, striving, thriving age

I'm not their father, one of their brothers, or even one of the others

I'm no one, but I feel stunned, and I can't run from the tears of our daughters and sons

Moms and Dads feel hapless, helpless

The peers received, disbelieved, and grieved

An impossible defense, this making sense of our abundance of laments

This outsider looks in, hears what has been, watches healing begin

So many sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers

Come together in the bleakest of weather and pray for forever

Bring them peace, help tears decrease, and unfairness cease

A bystander's request for the friends in distress 
Let abundant faith come and squelch the unrest 
Keep a community blessed, and let innocent souls rest.

"The Holidays" and the Christmas Season

Have you noticed that advertisers and the media have renamed everything that takes place this time of year?  Holiday music?  A holiday tree?  Holiday shopping?  The retail industry, the auto industry, the electronics industry?  Have you noticed that what used to be Christmas specials on television are now holiday specials?  What's next?  "How the Grinch Stole the Holidays?"  "A Charlie Brown Holiday?"  Clement Moore's "The Night Before the Holiday?"  Charles Dickens' "A Holiday Carol?" In the 21st century, the time between Labor Day and Christmas Day is unaffectionately and coldly labeled 'The Holidays.'  No worries, though.  July is coming, and all of the above controllers of what business is will get their way this summer, and we'll be celebrating 'Christmas in July!' The music will play, and the movies will be broadcast, and the cars will be sold.  I believe it's okay to use the term Christmas if the sellers and the squeaky wheels want us to.  So, in July, bring it on...Christmas in July!  One year in the not-so-distant future, after Christmas in July is over, 'The Holidays' and all the bland generalizing will begin on August 1st, and we'll be celebrating them all year long....and even Christmas in July will disappear....

In the meantime, I'd like to savor the good times of the Christmas season by going back in time and sharing some treasures of Christmas past: some seen this year for the first time, and some favorites rediscovered.

Christmas 1922:  I found this piece of family memorabilia with my Mother's treasures. This is the front and back of a Christmas card sent to my Grandmother, Mrs. Nellie Giacchino, from her brother, Alfred Messina. It was sent in December of 1922. My understanding of Uncle Alfred's story is that he arrived at Ellis Island in the 1920's, was denied entry into the US due to illness, and passed away on the return trip to Italy. He was 25.  His mother, my great grandmother Carmela Messina passed away on Christmas Eve in 1973.  She was five months shy of her 100th birthday.

          

My mother as a young teen:

Josephine Giacchino

December 1937

My sister Lisa and me

December 1965...

My last with Santa, I'm sure (and I hope!).

Before there were Karen and Brian:  there was Son John's first Christmas in December of 1986.

Left to Right: Son Kevin, Jackie, my Dad, my Mom holding newborn Son John, and me.

Nothing says the 1980's like those huge glasses!

Before there was Brian, there were Kevin, John, and Karen in December in the early 1990's

2008: My favorite, and one of the last of the photo Christmas cards, for they've all grown and gone, though not too far...

My all-time favorite Christmas ornament and my all-time favorite car:  the 1959 Chevrolet Impala El Camino!

...and in closing, the relocating of this collage of My Favorite 2013 Memories from the head of my blog to this post, and in its place, a new composite of times celebrated in 2014... 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Let it Melt! Let it Melt! Let it Melt!

♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪

Oh the weather outside's disgusting,

And the wind just keeps on gusting,

And as long as this angst is felt,

Let it melt! Let it melt! Let it melt!

♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪

The shovel does too much luggin',

And in me there's much humbuggin',

Blisters frostbite and snowball's pelt,

Let it melt! Let it melt! Let it melt!

♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪

When they finally stop the snow,

Diggin' out's gonna be such a chore,

But when winter decides to go,

Spring's gonna be here once more!

♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪♪♪♫♫♪♪

Get out 'cause it's just November,

Please no snowmen to dismember,

And if this is the hand we're dealt,

Let it melt! Let it melt! Let it melt!

♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♪  

October Obstetrics and Orthopedics

Our new grandbaby was coming.  His birth was planned as a Cesarean section to take place on Friday, October 24th, 2014.  So, our granddaughters arrived at our house on Thursday night so that Grandmom and Grandpop could babysit.  It was a good visit.  The girls were well behaved, and Bellea the granddog just blended in like any other member of the family.

The funniest moments of the weekend came from our little Jenna, who is two years old.  She calls my wife Jackie Grandmom, and me Joe.  I walked into the room where she was playing and she smiled and said, "Whatcha doin', Joe?"  

She colored in her coloring book and held up her book and said, "Joe...look!"  

I put my hands over my eyes and said, "Peek-a-boo!", to which she replied, "I see you, Joe!"

It could be that she hears her Grandmom call me Joe.  It could be that her big sister, Jackie, calls me Grandpa Joe.

It makes me laugh.  I pointed to myself and said "Grandpop."  

She pointed to herself and said, "Grandpop!" 

 I said, "No, silly!" I pointed to her and said, "Jenna!"  

She said, "Jenna!" 

I pointed to myself and said, "Grandpop!" and she looked at her Grandmom and said, "Grandpop!"    

I am resigned to the fact that at this point in her life I am Joe, and I treasure the smiles she brings to all of us.

When we got to the hospital waiting room with the girls, little Jackie, who is seven, was a little worried that she would have a new brother, and she REALLY wanted another sister!  Her Grandmom and I assured her that as soon as she saw that baby for the first time, she would fall in love with it, even if it was a boy.  As you can see by the photo, we were right! 
Jeffrey weighed in at a healthy 10 pounds, 14 ounces!

Jackie, Jenna, and Bellea stayed with us until Monday, October 27th, and we went to the hospital every day to see Jeffrey, and to treasure the sight of our growing family.

*********************

On the 28th, the day after the three girls went back to their Mom and Dad and new brother, we made the trek to a different hospital for my wife's knee replacement surgery.  It was a long day to say the least.  We arrived at 8:30 and were taken to the Ambulatory Care Unit so she could get the IV's and monitors going.  They would bring her into the operating room at 10:30...or so we thought.  The doctor's schedule changed and, consequently, so did ours.  The surgery didn't begin until after one in the afternoon.

While in the Family Waiting Room with the other concerned families, I did some crossword puzzles and caught up on the messaging of Jackie's progress to those that needed to know .  A sign was hung on the wall of the room asking occupants of the room to refrain from talking on cell phones in that room as a courtesy to the families.  I noticed upon looking at my phone that there was a voice mail that I hadn't listened to yet.  I typed in my password, and when I hit the # symbol, I unwittingly hit the speaker button too.  It was a message from my brother-in-law.  My phone is perpetually loud.  I've tried adjusting volumes, but it's never worked.  Before I knew it, all the concerned families were treated to, "Hi Joe!  It's Jim! I'm just checking up on how things are going....."  Jim has a wonderful speaking voice.  Everyone in the room thought so.  They all looked at me as I fiddled with buttons trying to turn the speaker off.  I closed the phone lid and we could still hear Jim's message.  They smiled as if they already knew of the ignorant nature of my cellphone history. A teenage girl across the room began laughing at my antics and before long, the speaker was finally silenced.  She was still laughing as I apologized for the ignorance.

The surgical ordeal, which should have culminated with Jackie being in her room in the Orthopedic Unit between 3 and 4 o'clock in the afternoon, ended with a rapid heartbeat and a room in the Telemetry Unit at 7:30 in the evening.  That's right...the Telemetry Unit. The Telemetry Unit? I didn't have a clue  what it was.  I used word association and operations to keep the name in my brain so I could look it up when I got home.  My game went something like this:

First, I connected with the Trim-A-Tree Department of Walmart, 

Second, I subtracted the 'rim' and added the abbreviation for the name of the level of education in which I educate, 'elem': From Trim-a-tree to Telem-a-tree.

Next, I changed the 'a' to an 'e':  From Telem-a-tree to Telem-e-tree.

Then, I subtracted the double 'e' from the end of the name and added 'y'.  From Telem-e-tree to Telem-e-try.

Finally, I put them together and I got telemetry...it worked!

I remembered the name and Googled it.  It's an area of a medical facility where things like heart rate and rhythm can be monitored electronically.  Yup, that's where she was alright!  

The poor little thing was so medicated that she couldn't keep her eyes open.  She would wake up every so often and say to me, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I would answer as she shut her eyes once more.

A short time later she slowly repeated her apology.  It happened again and again.  Eyes open: "I'm sorry." Eyes closed again.

Finally, with the last "I'm sorry" being uttered, I replied with a smirk that ridiculous line from the film Love Story, "It's okay.  Love means never having to say you're sorry."  Well, those anesthesized eyes bulged and I heard, "Don't say that!  That's one of the stupidest lines ever! No jury would ever convict me for anything I do to you for saying that!"  I knew then that everything was going to be okay.  She was already beginning to sound like her old self again!  The pain and lethargy would be there, but only temporarily.

The next day, Jackie made admirable headway.  The surgeon and therapists were ecstatic with her progress.  Steps with a walker within hours, heart speeds and sounds getting under control, and that Don't tell me I have to use a commode attitude.

I decided to use my phone to send another update to the concerned ones.  I typed in the word Jackie's, and instead pushing of the space key, I hit send.  Before I could punch in the continuation of the great news, I got replies.  Cousin Nancy's was Is everything alright?  Friend Tara's was Jackie's what?! Jackie's what?!  Alas, I've struck again.  I punched in the rest of that message and sent it and all was right with the world once more.

Jackie's home now and getting stronger each day.  The first couple of days were full of something she doesn't like: dependence.  As the days have gone by, the dependence has begun to wane.  There is pain.  There are things she can't do by herself for safety reasons, but the independent gal I married is on her way back!  The photo on the left was taken the day Jeffrey was born, and with my daughter-in-law Jessicca and Jackie both recovering from major surgery, the boy is growing by leaps and bounds without his Grandmom and Grandpop, but I have a strong feeling that it won't be long before there will be a reunion between Jeffrey and his Grandmom, and more times to treasure!

The First Grandson!

Please say hello to our first grandson,
Jeffrey Joseph!

Jeffrey was born on October 24, 2014 at 2:55 PM. He is named
after his two Grandfathers.

Jeffrey's sister, Jenna, was playing outside Mommy's room at the
hospital. Mommy and Daddy are exhausted...but happy!

Jeffrey's Grandmom
is glad he's here!

Jeffrey will be well taken care of by his sisters, Jenna is on
his left and Jackie is holding him.

Aunt Karen came all the way from
Philadelphia to meet her new nephew!

My son and his son...what a sight!

Grandpop is a lucky guy!

   

Welcome Jeffrey Joseph with all our love!

The Curmudgeon at the Food and Wine Festival

Living is defined as being alive, not dead, active and thriving.

Social means friendly, sociable and fond of the company of others.  

If one puts these words together he forms the phrase Living Social.  

If one wants fun things to do in or near his city, he can get discounts at an online marketplace with just that name:  Living Social.  Emails have been creeping into our inbox for years from this sender.  I should have known with words like alive, thriving, friendly, sociable and fun, that these emails were directed to the other half of this union.  The only word I identify with is discounts: those things sold at a reduced price or the deduction of a certain amount from monetary charges.  My better half found discount tickets on Living Social for the Philadelphia Food and Wine Festival in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania.

Tasty is defined as having a pleasant, distinct flavor.

A tidbit is a small morsel of tasty food.  

These words can be used side by side to form the phrase tasty tidbit.  

I like the word tasty, and the selections from the varied vendors did not disappoint.  Salmon in sauce, pieces of tender meat slow-cooked in barbecue sauce, pumpkin theme soups as well as some mean clam chowder...there were too many to list them all.  I'm not as fond of the word tidbit.  Sometimes it takes me only one sampling of an unfamiliar taste to know I don't want any more.  Sometimes it takes two or three tries, or even a whole plateful for me to say Wow, that was good!  I could have returned to the line of hungry and curious Festival patrons and gotten another tiny tasty tidbit, but if I'm gonna wait, I wanna eat BIG!

Real means not artificial.  

Wine is defined as the fermented juice from a fruit. 

A drinker is someone who drinks....anything:  water, milk, beer, coffee.  

You can form a phrase, real wine drinker, from these three words.  

I've heard some folks say, "I'm not a milk drinker because I'm lactose intolerant."  I've heard others say, "I'm a coffee drinker...can't get through the day without it!"  During a visit to a table of fine wines, a connoisseur described the dry and bold samples available for tasting. I'm only an occasional partaker of wine, and when I indulge, I want mine light and sweet.  I asked, "Do you have a sweet wine?"  to which she replied, "Are you kidding?  Not here, real wine drinkers drink dry wine!"  to which I replied, "I guess I'm an artificial wine drinker then." I smilingly thanked her,  walked away, and once again I used my most cherished defense mechanisms: the ones where I mentally gesture her and call her a bad name.  Then I proceeded to the next station...and the next...and I eventually found some sweet wine.  I was drinking real fermented juice from a fruit, therefore I considered myself a real wine drinker.  Take that dry and bold snob!

Celebrity is synonymous with a well known person.  Chef means the same as someone who cooks.  Celebrity chef is the result of creating a phrase using these two words.  Throughout the excursion, there were announcements of events in an area with a kitchen on a stage. I heard the speaker reveal that in just a few moments, 'Kenny G' would be showing us some of his cooking expertise.  I was curious.  I have inconsistently enjoyed some of his tunes.  Would he be playing some soft jazz on his saxophone while he cooked?  Would he be playing while someone else cooked?  Did he ever get a haircut?  All my inquiries were discarded when I realized that my old ears deceived me, and the celebrity chef was a man named 'Eddie G.'  It could have happened to anyone with all the noise and reverberation!  Poor Eddie G was attempting to put his own spin on a Philly cheese steak with a comic celebrity chef named Mark DeCarlo at his side.  Mr. DeCarlo's microphone was loud and clear, and Eddie's was low and muffled.  The result was an unpleasant attempt at comedy overshadowing the task at hand.  It was not easy to listen to...I think some soothing smooth saxophone support for Eddie G from the famous Kenny G in the background would have made the demonstration more enjoyable.

One of the definitions of the multi-meaning word change is to vary.  Scene in our lives is our location.  A change of scene is sometimes a good thing.  The Food and Wine Festival certainly provided us with a needed change of scene.  I was glad for the discount from Living Social.  The excursion was worth what we paid, and not twice what we paid, as the original price would suggest.  The event was scheduled to last four hours.  That's a lot of tasty tidbits and sweet wine.  I suggest not eating too much at home to fully enjoy the unusual and varied selections.  Would I have enjoyed a trip to one of our favorite Italian eateries, and not waiting in line for a sample, as much?  Most definitely.  Did I think the Food and Wine Festival was worth trying?  Again, most definitely.  Would I try it again?  That's up to my better half...and Living Social!

Am I Alone?

Am I alone?

 I was young.  
Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water played countless times on the record player.  There were soothing voices, irresistible harmonies, a piano and an acoustic guitar strummed to perfection.

  I am older.  
I can't pinpoint the root of sad today.

Mid-October changes, outside cooling and dying.  Waking today and coming downstairs, doing my normal scanning of what music to enjoy on my Ipod.  Knowing it's a down day and the only tunes that resonate what I'm feeling are those of Simon and Garfunkel.  Time hurrying, social status and injustice, war, introspect, yearning, reflection.  
I am sad.....

Am I alone?

I was young.  
The Christmas season began the day after Thanksgiving and ended in early January.

I am older.  
The 'holiday' season begins right now.  Radio stations are threatening me by saying they'll begin playing 'holiday' music in just a couple of weeks.  Walmart's ready!  Their seasonal section is loaded with shiny ornaments.  Some retailers will be available for Thanksgiving Day shoppers.  As usual, I'm not feeling it.  
I am sad.....

Am I alone?

I was young.  
I remember a carefree time when local news was on each of the three major networks at noon and six in the evening and eleven at night.  As a child, I didn't need to see it all day long.

I am older.  
There are full-time news networks, and the local news broadcasts with 'the big stories' can never be too far away.  Hours filled with beheading, disease, and abuse anytime I want it.  A celebrity dies or gets married, the focus is temporarily shifted, and every angle of the fallen star's life event is reported, analyzed, and reacted to until we say, "More? Really?"  The overexposed story of the idol becomes yesterday's headline and the violence and horror move to the forefront again.  Is anything good happening in this world?  
I am sad......

Am I alone?

I was young.  
A trip to Philadelphia meant viewing the sights from the back seat, counting the '59 Chevys, looking for City Hall and the car crusher and waiting patiently for that hug from Grandmom.

I am older.  
A trip to Philadelphia this week on a gloomy, rainy Monday meant viewing drivers texting on the highway, and a young man on the street profanely fighting with the voice on the other end of his mobile phone connection. Narrow car-cluttered streets with vehicles that were parked everywhere and those that weren't parked had impatient drivers at their wheels.  
I am sad......

Am I alone?

I was young.  
Entertainment was belly-laughing to the point of tears for the whole family, subtle was the key to good humor,  a good voice or good beat and heavenly harmony ruled the music, violence and murder were off camera on the television and in the movies.

I am older. 
 It's a 'Let's see who can shock the most' era with in-your-face confrontation, betrayal, violence, and profanity.  Belly laughs have been replaced.  Saturday Night Live, once a favorite and formerly subtly risque, is now intentionally and intermittently vulgar. This week, thanks to On-Demand, I previewed Gotham, a new series that is the prequel to Batman. The beatings and shootings that were right on camera affected me.  It's to the point where, though the acting and production were top notch, I will not be tuning in anytime soon because I can't handle the deliberate, unforgiving on camera violence anymore.  
I am sad..... 

Am I alone?

I was young.  
It was the John F. Kennedy era.  When he was assassinated, I was led to believe that he could do no wrong.  I was seven and believed it.

I am older. 
I need to see that there is a leader somewhere out there with just a lick of my interest at heart.  My children are starting their young adult lives with expectation and hope...and ill-deserved debt and frustration.  It's election time again and the ads fill the television and radio, and the candidate's phone calls come in.  I don't believe anyone anymore.  Is it wrong for me to hope for some 'for the people' leadership to benefit my family, especially my hard-working children? 
I am sad.......

Am I alone?
I was young.  
I was taught to read and write in first grade, and when I was home I read and wrote...and played outside. My homework was a priority and screen time, though black and white and only 15 inches on the diagonal, was a privilege.  When a teacher was teaching, I didn't even think of leaving my seat to get a drink or use the restroom.  When my homework wasn't done, or when something needed to be signed by a parent, it was signed or I felt anxious as a result of my irresponsibility.
I am older.
I see screen time taking over our youth, trumping homework and outside play.  I see respect for learning diminishing.  I see a lackadaisical attitude toward authority, responsibility, and success.
I am sad....

Am I alone?
I am older.
I feel out of place in a world of less rules, more electronic stimulation, less respect, more defiance, less accountability, more entitlement, less regard for authority, more responsibility, less affordability.
I was young.
It was simple.  I looked at the world through rose-colored glasses. I was naive.  I saw the good in people until someone showed me the bad.  I thought that my folks and their folks would live forever.  I liked approval.  I sought the biggest laughs, the most poignant drama, and the most feel-good music.  I want it simple again.
 I am sad.....
Am I alone?

My Personal Problems Exposed!

Here we go again!

It's a fact that I am not the best candidate to own a cell phone.  In the past, I have dealt with the embarrassment of taking countless photos of the inside of my pocket, having my phone ring at a funeral, and sending bogus pocket text messages.

Saturday, the thirteenth, was no exception.  It was around eleven in the morning when I noticed that I had a new text message from one of my coworkers.  It said, "REALLY?  Four times at six in the morning?  What were you doing?"

I was confused.  I jogged my memory to see if I did anything even once at six that morning.  I don't think I've ever done something twice in the same morning, let alone four times.  Then I checked the messages communicated before hers.  There were four messages sent by me saying "in a meeting." This is one of the pre-loaded text messages that came as a feature on my phone.  

Then I remembered!  It was the morning I helped my wife as she helped an organization that provided food for the needy provide fruit for runners of a 5K event.  I loaded her bounty into the car and rode with her to the event...all with my phone in my pocket.

So I guess I jiggled in just the right rhythm to send four bogus messages to my coworker, evidently the last person to text me before that time.  Upon noticing my little faux pas, I texted her apologizing for what happened.  Fortunately for me, she said that her phone was not near her when the messages were sent.

Since the incident, I've been keeping my phone at bay.
I also keep my phone ringer silenced at this point.  Disrupting my reading groups at school was getting embarrassing.  Getting weather alerts in the middle of the night was annoying.  So, at night and in school as well as all other times, I pretend it's bygone times: being able to work, drive, go to church, and sleep without full-time communication, just like the good old days!

******************************************************
Last week, there was one morning that saw all the normal parts of my hygiene regimen completed, lunch was packed, and I was on my way to school.  The third grade classrooms are on the opposite side of the one-story structure than our office, and there is a significant distance for a elderly gentleman to walk.  When my teaching partner and I got to our classroom, I whispered to her in fear, "I think I forgot to put on deodorant this morning!"  

Being the polite friend and coworker that she is, she replied, "I don't smell you."

By the middle of that eighty-something degree day, and in that un-air conditioned building, my faux pas became more and more undeniable.  I only live a few miles from the school, so I could have gone home at lunch time and fixed the problem, but decided that by the afternoon, the kids had been in gym class, at recess, and were also in an un-air conditioned building, so no one would know if it was the children or me causing the unpleasant stench in the air.....

***************************************************************  
The day I'd been anxious about for some time had arrived:  The day of my annual physical.  I must be getting old because these things take longer and longer every year.  Every year, I lay there in my underwear and get scrutinized...inside and out, and from one end to the other.  This year, I am happy to report that I'm as healthy as an old horse:

  Blood pressure...normal. (There are no kids living at home at this point.)  

Weight...no change (It's only the beginning of the school year and the snacks in the office have only just begun to show up, and as I've mentioned before, I get my physical as far away from my birthday and Christmas, the worst food days of the year, as possible.)  

Heart rate and pulse, lungs, skin...passed the test!

Then IT happened.  The doctor, who I've been using for my medical services for over two decades, alerted me that I have athlete's foot.  How could this be?  I've never been an athlete, how could I have athlete's foot?  He said I could use over the counter creams to control it, but that he would be happy to call in a prescription for a stronger cream.  I agreed, we finished the exam, and I went on my merry way.

I picked up the fungus fighter, brought it home, then read the prescription details.  Apparently, CVS Pharmacy filed my prescription by the first two letters of my last name followed by the word 'ACUTE' !

'BO ACUTE'!!  Did word of that day at school "without deodorant" leak into the community and into my personal pharmacy?  How embarrassing!

Here we go again!

The Diseases Attacking the Empty Nest

Friends, as you watch your little ones leave the nest and go off to college or another adventure, you are most likely feeling that normal sense of sadness.  You've had them around for so long, and they've been a source of love, reward, pride, annoyance, anger, and frustration.  Don't worry.  They'll be back....and while they are gone, they will have contracted one or more of these diseases.  Let's call the child who has left the nest and returns for a visit 'the returnee'.  Let's look at the maladies.  Let's be aware that they are not life threatening, that there is no medical cure for them, that Obamacare has not addressed them, and that they have an out-of-sight out-of-mind sort of existence.  The symptoms can be acute during their visit, but diminish quickly as they fly the coop again.

There is LeaveTheLightOn-itis.  This one attacks the returnees' ability to remember to turn the light off when leaving a room.

ConstantRation is your act of selecting products to help your environment as well as curb the ever-growing expenses.  In an effort to conserve paper towel usage and save a few pennies, you have purchased the select-a-size paper towels.  With these you can use half of a sheet of paper towel when drying your hands or wiping a small spill. The thrift you have demonstrated is diminished with the rapidly shrinking roll and overflowing waste basket.  For the returnee, three to four half sheets are necessary for any drying or spill-wiping need.

There's PerCup-sus.  This is the one that prevents the returnee from using a water glass more than once. The reaching for a new glass, in turn, results in  JetDry-lag, the constant running of the dishwasher.

There's Ask-ma.  This is the one that, despite the fact that the returnee has lived on his or her own for months at a time, and you really don't know what they do and when they do it, suddenly they are home and they ask you for permission to take a walk or have a snack, or anything else.

GoneArea is that space in your living room, dining room, kitchen, or hall that was free of clutter and safe to walk through, and is now a danger zone.  The returnee's backpack, papers, laptop, keys...you name it...have filled the voids.

Let's not forget Hip-Displace-ia.  This disorder appears the moment the returnee gets into your car or house, and he or she changes the hip music you are playing to something they want to hear, or turns your hip music off completely and put the television on.

Of all the new diseases we've contracted in our home since becoming empty nesters, this one is my least favorite.  It's called CanCuss-ion (a.k.a. Badder Inflection).  The returnees have been hanging out at colleges and in the workplace and some words have crept into their vocabulary.  It's unsettling when this disease appears.  You know you didn't teach them anything colorful, and did your best to watch your step while they were growing up.  Still, one can't look at movies, the Internet, or the world without hearing it, absorbing it, and emulating it.  You may never get used to the returnees' newly found freedom of expression!

Of course, no list would be complete without Bird Flew.  This is characterized by the lethargy and exhaustion felt by the Mom and Dad chickens when their chicks return to their independence. Suddenly it's too quiet. Where's the vocalizing?  What's this you see?  Television in English?  What's this you hear?   Music from the golden age of Rock and Roll...in English?!

Friends, fear not.  If the nest becomes more empty as the children grow and show signs of independence and happiness, you will adjust.  Before you know it, they will be returnees, and those diseases will invade your space and your newly adjusted ways.  I repeat, they are not life threatening and all the love, reward, pride, annoyance, anger, and frustration will return with them...intact!  A fact of life, and a good one!