The Perfect Father's Day Gift

Father's Day.  It means a whole different set of things these days than in years past.  

I remember the days when we would honor my father by giving him his gifts and hugs and kisses on his wonderfully stubbly face, and then visit our two grandfathers, the patriarchs, presenting them with hugs, kisses, and gifts as well.  When there were no more grandfathers and we were all on our own, Mom would have her house ready for whoever wanted to stop in and see Dad, and my mother-in-law would do the same.  The patriarchs of our young adult years, my father and father-in-law, lived within a half hour of each other, and the short distance allowed us to get to both homes to show each of them how important they were to us.  I remember the feeling of having to see our fathers and grandfathers on that particular day, or we'd feel a sense of guilt and disappointment.  I remember the gifts too.  It became a guessing game to buy our Dads something that they didn't already have.  Still, they graciously accepted our well-meaning gestures and savored the visits from their children and grandchildren.

Now, I am the patriarch.  I have the stubbly face...and four kids and two plus one-on-the-way grandkids. I have to admit, the Hallmark celebration of Father's Day doesn't appeal to me.  The anxiety and anticipation of the day brings forth many feelings.  It goes without saying that I want to hear from or see my children.  I am fortunate that all of my children live close enough that we can see each other whenever we have the desire.   I don't like the buildup of the day.  I don't like the obligation the kids feel thanks to the ads of organizations that promote holidays, and those that deal specifically in clothes and products that cater to men.   I don't want my children to feel the pressure of Father's Day.  I am a simple man, and I like a simple day.  I also like visits from my children any day of the year.

This year I was the luckiest man in the world.  My granddaughter Jenna celebrated her second birthday during Father's Day week, and the party was on Father's Day at my son's house, where there are chickens!  All the children and grandchildren were there to celebrate Jenna's big day, and to honor me for Father's Day too!  

This year, my daughter Karen, who lives in Philadelphia, gave me a card with the pictured coupon enclosed. When it comes to offers like this, I am somewhat indecisive.  I don't want them to spend their money on me, and I don't want the decision of where to go to fall on me.  Little did I know how important and therapeutic the excursion that resulted from this coupon would be.....A day at the beach, a day on Broadway, an afternoon at Marsh Creek State Park...they all sounded good, but their mention never resulted in an outing.  I wanted simpler.  When she mentioned a trip into Philly on a beautiful summer day in late July, doing whatever we felt like doing at the time, I couldn't refuse!

The first thing we did after we drove into the city was meet my son John, who works in center city, for lunch.  As soon as we were finished eating, we strolled to a nearby park and I couldn't help but smile at the sunshine and cool summer breezes...and join them in posing for a selfie. When John had to go back to work, we drove to Karen's apartment in South Philly. The little stroll that followed of the surrounding neighborhoods would make this the best day of my summer!

Our first stop on our 'on foot' journey led us to this place.  It's a place I've thought about and talked about often...my grandfather's barber shop on Porter Street, which was on the first floor of his house.  I spent many a late Sunday afternoon or early Sunday evening in a chair in that shop in the 1960's and early 1970's.  I remember sitting on the stoop in the picture that belonged to the next door neighbor...just a kid socializing and playing.
Around the corner from the barber shop was a little shop where we could get a tiny sample of water ice for a nickel.  We looked forward to this treat every summer Sunday we spent in that neighborhood.  This picture is from the 1930's when the shop was in its early days of business.  My grandfather is the man on the left.  

Today, there is no barber shop.  The storefront has been replaced by bricks and a residential window.  The neighbor's stoop is still there.  The water ice shop is only a memory.  Still, the feeling of being there brought back good memories of roots and family and friendly faces.
Our next stop was only a few blocks away...my maternal grandparents' house on Juniper Street.

This photo is of my mother on her wedding day in 1946, and the man on the left is my Grandpop Giacchino, who was the dearest soul you could ever meet.  He died in 1967, when I was ten years old.  It was the first time in my life that I felt uncontrollable heartbreak.  This house had two kitchens:  one on the first floor and one in the basement.  When we would go for Sunday visits to this house, homemade ravioli and gnocchi would be placed on cookie sheets from one end of that basement kitchen to the other.  We were fascinated as we would watch them form the shapes of the pasta as if it was second nature.  To this day, I've not tasted any Italian food that matches its goodness.  I remember playing games on the front porch and stoop of this house, and entertaining my younger sister and cousins at the same time.

The front of the Juniper Street house was more recognizable after forty years.  The steps and landing were still there and the archway, which always fascinated me with it's brick architecture, was intact.  More memories from my history came to the forefront and a feeling of happiness overcame me.  I was proud and happy to share these times with Karen.  We tried to see if my mother's cousin, who was also my Godmother, and who also lived on Juniper Street, was home.  Unfortunately, she was out, most likely with one of her children.  I hope to get back to see her soon.
From Juniper Street we went to 13th Street, the home of my cousin Linda.  My heart raced as I labored over the decision to knock on the door to see if she was home.  She was, and she was so gracious and welcoming.  She shared some family history and we updated her as well. I had seen her at family funerals and weddings, but talking when there was no 'occasion' other than a visit was a gift that couldn't be matched.  It was a glorious follow up to the Juniper Street leg of the excursion.  The exchange of phone numbers and email addresses gave hope for contact with her despite our busy lives.  

Linda had suggested that we walk to our next stop, which was to this house on Iseminger Street.  This is the first house that my parents bought.  It was just blocks from their relatives, and served them well as a starter home.  I was born in February of 1957, and my parents moved their growing family to Secane, Delaware County, Pennsylvania in March of 1958.  Though I lived in this house for over a year, and visited the surrounding streets countless times in my youth, I cannot remember seeing this house before this week.  Another blank space in my timeline filled in!

I don't have a bucket list.  If I die and I haven't done it, so be it.  If I die and I haven't seen it, so be it!  If I get to do it or see it, I'll feel fortunate and blessed.  If I did have a bucket list, though, this day of sharing beauty, warmth, memories, and history with my little girl would be on it....and crossed off of it!!

Thank you, Karen, for the perfect Father's Day gift!

The Facebook Positivity Challenge, The Final Day: Nature, Grandchildren, and the Future

Well, being positive for four days went better than I thought it would.  So how do I close this exercise?  I've been telling you some simple and some complicated positives that have come my way in recent days.  Maybe now it's time for the obvious......

1.  Nature

Nature gave me the gift of positivity today.
I'm not too successful at gathering nature's moments in photographs unless the targets of my shooting are still and cooperative like flowers and slugs.  The first thing this morning though, during the calm after last night's storm, I was able to capture this moment right on my deck.  I took this photo through the window and screen, so that cardinal and that squirrel didn't even know I was out to get them!

2.  Grandchildren

No positivity challenge can be properly completed without the mention of one's grandchildren.  Somehow, the crowds and the noise seemed irrelevant at our local Fair when this little lady, who only poses for photos when it suits her fancy, posed for these gems with her sister!

3. The Future

I wouldn't say that the uncertainty of the future is a positive for me.  None of us knows for sure what tomorrow will bring.  I'd like to say that I don't worry about it too much, but I worry about it all the time.  I didn't used to worry about the weather, but now the that the patterns are changing, and my kids are out there moving about, even the forecast of heavy rain can make me pace.  A roadway with an aggressive driver or a distracted cell phone user is the bane of my existence.  What is positive in all of this is that I have diversions squashing the fear:  a longtime wife that has stuck with me even when I don't feel like being too positive; kids that, for better or worse, bring challenges that distract me from thinking of myself; and of course, the grandchildren that are here and the one that will join us this fall....

Thanks Facebook friend, (You know who you are!), for asking me to take the positivity challenge.  Remember when you said, "Joe, even old curmudgeons can do it!!"  You were right...I am an old curmudgeon, and being positive feels almost as good!

The Facebook Positivity Challenge, Procrastinator's Day 4: Positive Thoughts Are Like Christmas in July

It's Christmas in July!  I've heard Christmas songs on the radio.  I've seen Christmas shows listed on the grid on my Cable guide.  We went to the American Music Theater to see a concert of the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber this weekend and there were Christmas in July displays of decorations, music, and gifts to buy in the lobby.  There was, however, no threat of snow, and that is a positive!

Okay, I know!  It's actually Day 5 of my Facebook positivity challenge, but all that positivity happening all around me prevented me from doing it the right way...on consecutive days.  I was overwhelmed.  Bending the rules and doing it my way is a positive!

My son Brian was setting himself up to watch a program on Netflix.  In order to do that, he needed to turn on the TV, the DVD player, and the WII.  The DVD player had to be set to the right channel and the TV source needed be set to 'VIDEO'.  One of my favorite things in the electronic world is to have an extra remote in my hand and change things when a family member is finding what they want.  Brian found the source option on the TV from his remote.  I then changed the source over and over.  "What the ........", "It's changing by itself!", "What's wrong with this thing?"  After about three rounds of changing the source, I let him off the hook.  We laughed and he asked, "Are you going to blog about this?"  Definitely a positive!

There was poison ivy growing through the fence at the edge of my property.  It had grown there before.  In fact, it's grown every year!  Every year I get it out of there before it gets too big, and every year I end up with a mild case of poison ivy.  Last year I bought some Round Up specifically designed to tackle the pesty strangler.  I followed the detailed and difficult instructions, protecting myself with winter clothes and rubber gloves, spraying individual leaves while shielding other plants, and got rid of the menace.  This year I decided to use it again.  I re-read the instructions and it seemed I'd have to once again wear long sleeves, long pants, rubber gloves and glasses and apply the product in that same troublesome way.  This year, for some reason, it didn't look like the shiny red leaved vine I saw in prior years. The leaves weren't in groups of three like I've seen.  I didn't feel like going through all that hassle.  It didn't even look like poison ivy!  I decided to use my weeding tool with a heavy duty pair of work gloves covering my hands.  The result was the worst case of poison ivy I've ever had.  I had rash spots in places that I know never came anywhere near those leaves, and that I couldn't scratch when I was outside the home.   The itching of the many rashes is now beginning to subside, and I'll never question the power of those vines again and I'll use the heavy duty stuff to kill it before it kills me!  Two lessons at the same time!  That's two....two....two positives in one!

I have a basic cell phone with a keyboard like an old phone dial, making it excruciating to compose a text message.  Lately when I keep the phone in my pocket, I hear beeps every time I move.  I take the phone out of my pocket and see that I've accessed an app store.  What I've realized lately, though, is that I'm sending my contacts those pre-written messages such as In a meeting, How are you?, and my favorite Pls send me a msg.  First of all, when I write a text message, I write out all the words.  There is no U for you, no pls for please, and no msg for message!  I became aware of the problem when a friend texted me asking, "How did all your meetings go?"  Another asked, "Pocket texting again?" Second of all, I rarely communicate via text message because of the time it takes to type the message with my phone, and because it's not in my nature.  I use that brilliant communication technique of calling and talking.  I have provided laughs for many friends with my cell phone antics and that is a positive!

We all know that every February 2nd is Groundhog Day.  We also know that February 5th, 2014 was the most awful weather day of what was the most awful weather year in my life and most people's lives.  There were cold, wind, ice, destruction, power failures, school and business closings, and days of hardship for this area. February 5th was also my birthday.  Yesterday I was cleaning out old emails in our cluttered Inbox and this previously unread email from a good friend caught my attention:

Happy Birthday!  I'm working on getting you a day off from school.

signed,

Puxatawney Phil and friends

Discovering a birthday greeting when it's practically my half year is definitely a positive...it's like Christmas in July!

The Facebook Positivity Challenge, Day 3: My Own Quiet Place

It's Day 3 of that Facebook Positivity Challenge.  I keep wondering, How am I going to stay that positive for five days in a row?  I'm finding that many of the positives in my life come from surviving the negatives.  It's now been five years this July 9th since my sister Janet passed away. I've talked about her loss and think about it every day, but with the passage of time and further examination of the 'stuff' in the basement, she is still very much a part of my life.  

Today's observations come from a plaque given to me by Janet and discovered among my memorabilia.

Each life needs its own quiet place.

It's a testament to her positivity.....

A plaque, a gift for years unseen
From sister to brother, a mere sixteen
Sentiment somber, yet quite serene...

Each life needs its own quiet place.

It's a testament to her sensitivity.....

She knew me well, tuned to my mood
A Dad at work to feed his brood
Dear Mom, sweet sisters, still we conclude....

Each life needs its own quiet place.

It's a testament to her kindness.....

She knew me well, or at least allowed herself to get to know me.  She gave me a guitar for one of my younger teen birthdays.  I didn't play.  I had an annoying singing voice. I just loved to listen to music.  I remember sitting by myself for hours and plucking the strings of that guitar until I had the introduction to the Mamas and the Papas' California Dreamin' memorized.  I remember leaving my quiet place to play it just for her, because I could count on her unconditional approval...and I got it!  In our later years together, she confided in me that she wished she had talked to Mom and Dad about getting guitar lessons or some kind of musical training for me because I heard 'things' when I listened to my music that she didn't hear.  

Each life needs its own quiet place.

It's a testament to her memory.....

There is no better way to see my personal journey than to find a quiet place and gaze at photos and things that breathe life into what real life tells me is not here any more, but what my heart tells me will never go away, and that there is an abundance of positivity in my own quiet place........  

1986 Janet serving as Godmother to my son John
as her own children look on


Each Life needs its own quiet place.

1983 Janet, me

1957 Christmas Card:  Sister Stephanie, Me, and Janet

Approximately 2004 Sisters Stephanie,
Janet, and Lisa; then me;
and Mom and Dad seated

The Facebook Positivity Challenge, Day 2: Holding On and Letting Go

It's day 2 of sharing positive thoughts on Facebook.  Yesterday, I have to admit, I treated this challenge the same as I would if I was taking one of those quizzes to see what city I should live in, which rock star I am, or even which Disney character is most like me!  Yesterday, my positive thoughts came from the task of putting a new facade on the garage door.  Today, the positives come from a much deeper place.  

It began with the completion of an unpleasant task.  It's was three years ago on June 29th since Mom died.  The estate had been settled for quite some time, and soon there were hundreds and hundreds of papers in a filing cabinet in my basement.  This week, paper by paper, I sifted through, kept what needed to be kept, and prepared a huge pile of shredding for myself.  With the melancholy memory of those events of three years ago still creeping to the surface periodically, this cleaning out is the first of today's positive thoughts.  Nothing I can do will bring her back.  After three years, it was easier to see that statements and medical records mean nothing at this point. They needed to go and they did...a positive!

1946 -Mom and Dad's wedding invitation

That old filing cabinet housed some documents in its pockets too!  I now have birth certificates, marriage licences, and many other artifacts and sentimental keepsakes from my parents and grandparents in my possession and cannot wait to share them with my sisters.  These, and not financial statements, are what represent their lives and they are here to be seen....a second positive!

1930's - Business Card #1  for my
Grandfather's barber shop

1930's - Business Card #2 for my
Grandfather's barber shop

2014 - This piece was designed and made by 
my Dad as a microwave cart.  It made the move 
from my sister's house to mine in the 1990's, 
and is now used to house cookbooks and 
odds and ends since we upgraded to 
an over the stove microwave oven.

1980's - These are the newly discovered plans
drawn by my Dad for the
microwave/cookbook/odds and ends
cart.

1938 - Dad's graduation from middle school in the
School District of Philadelphia

1942 - My maternal Grandmother's United States Certificate of Naturalization

While feeling the loss never quite goes away, today's third positive comes from being thankful for the time that has passed, leading to the desire to keep the memory alive, and the courage to let go of the insignificant.

I think I'm beginning to warm up to this positivity challenge.....

The Facebook Positivity Challenge, Day 1: The Garage Door

Here we go again.  Facebook users have coerced challenged each other to post three positive things each day for five days.  It's a nagging noble task and I feel obligated honored to participate.  Here goes.....

The garage door on the front of my house is made of wood.  I remember when we moved into the house nearly 26 years ago, it was a glorious shade of white and complimented the curb appeal of a new home quite nicely. Well, time and the weather have taken their toll.  It looked neglected.  I thought of replacing the door with a new vinyl one. That would cost money. Five years ago, I purchased a tiny can of exterior white paint with every intention of doing the job of repainting the door, but it didn't get done.  This year the paint was already in my basement, so it was free!  A positive!  I even own several paint brushes!  Again, Free!  A second positive!  Yesterday and today were two perfect weather days, after a few hot and humid days, for doing the deed. Another positive!  The painting is done.  I could have taped the borders of the windows to prevent unwanted paint mistakes, but there was no tape.  There is, however, a razor blade already in my possession to scrape the small amount of paint from the glass.  Again...free!  So many positives!  Some scraping and a little cleanup and it'll be a project worth waiting for.  As if all this positiveness was enough to satisfy the cause, the most positive and fun part of the job was watching several breeds of little insects fly into the freshly painted door and either get stuck on the paint or fall to the ground, depending on the force of the impact.  The ultimate positive!

Facebook users have also pressured challenged each other to push encourage three friends to post their own positives.  If you feel the positive in what you've been given today, share it, but in the slightly reversed words of the good old Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle story I read countless times to my kids so long ago: 

   Do it because you want to, not because I tell you to!

 May tomorrow give us all some positives to post!

                            Dedicated to M.W. Thanks for the inspiration!

The Bad News and the Good News

The good news is that it is summer and there is no chance of snow.

The bad news is that my car was backed into by a small pickup truck and I was in it.  

The good news was that no one was injured.

The bad news is that the auto body repair shop guy recommended that I don't drive the car until after the repairs are completed.

The good news is that I complied and got a Hertz rental car and the seventy-something gentleman who picked me up from the auto body shop and took me to the Hertz location began a pleasant exchange of questions and answers.

The bad news is that when the topic of conversation headed in the direction of his retirement, he asked, "Do you still work?"  I heard, "Do you still work?" but thought, "Are you still young enough to work?"  and "Do you still work with all that grey hair?"

The good news is that I was able to answer, "Yes I do!"

The good news is that I ground some coffee in the coffee grinder and placed the grinds in a filter in the appropriate location inside the coffee pot, filled the carafe with water and filled the reservoir with water from the carafe, and turned the pot on.

The bad news is that it didn't take me long to realize that I still had the empty carafe in my hand.  Pass the Bounty, please?

The good news is that many canned goods have those pull tabs and don't require a can opener.

The bad news is that I always pull those tabs off the can without opening it.

The good news is that I am still the proud owner of several varieties of can openers and can still open a can even after the convenience of a pull tab is gone.

The bad news is that someone has to take the recycling collected in the house and bring it to the outside bin for disposal.

The good news is that I just gather the empty cans, bottles, and papers in a sweep and get 'em out of the house.  It's a great feeling.

The bad news is that one of the good glasses, still un-cracked and unbroken, ended up in the outside bin? 

The good news is that it survived its journey to and from the recycle bin.

The bad news is that, since I have the duty of handling the recycling, I am the one who nearly disposed of the perfectly good glass.

The good news is that no one will ever know!

The good news is that my son cut the grass for me.

The bad news is that he decided to cut the grass growing from the glass on the basement window.  "I cut the grass.  I also broke a window, but I cut the grass!  Isn't that good?"  

The good news is that the frame slid right out for repair at a local hardware store, and the entire job would cost under twenty dollars.

The bad news is that we were without a basement window for a week.  

The good news is that after the glass was fixed, it only took an hour and a half to put the frame back in place.

The bad news is that it was a five minute job that took an hour and a half because I was attempting to install it backwards.

The good news is that my son cut the grass!

The good news is that 94 year-old Aunt Rose's quest to get rid of some old clothes and shoes became reality.

The bad news is that the clothes and shoes ended up in the trunk of my car.

The good news is that I had some old clothes and shoes to dispose of too, and there is a Good Will drop off point just minutes away.

The bad news is that my stash of shoes was in a flimsy trash bag that broke just before I got it to the bin.

The good news is that I picked up the shoes from the ground, brought them home, found a better trash bag, and dropped them off a second time.

The bad news is that after the car accident, I emptied the trunk of the car and found one shoe from the stash.

The good news is that there is a shoe without a mate at our local Good Will store and someone will probably buy it.  Silly shoe day, perhaps?

This Dad

2
This shot was taken on a
       family vacation to Wildwood Crest, New 
Jersey  in 1997.  One of our favorite things to do while 
there was  to go over the bridge to Sunset Beach 
in Cape May for diamond searching and a 
sunset flag ceremony. This shot of our four little 
ones was used as our Christmas card picture 
that year.  I miss those cards.

3
When I take a photo of the four kids nowadays, I have
 to promise not to use it for a Christmas card picture. I
never, however, promise anything about posting it to
my Facebook page...or on my blog! This shot 
was taken in May of 2014,  at my son's wedding......
good times!

1
More purging and treasure finding:
I recently came across this poem I wrote on
February 22, 1987.  It  spoke volumes about my times as a new stay-at-home 
Dad.  27 years and two more children
 later.....

Life has let me be 'This Dad'