Positive Living: A CURMUDGEON'S BIRTHDAY.....

BIRTHDAYS:

  THEY'RE INEVITABLE.  THEY ARE THE ANNUAL REMINDER THAT WE'RE ANOTHER YEAR OLDER. YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY.   IF WE'RE FORTUNATE, THE NUMBER ASSOCIATED WITH A PARTICULAR BIRTHDAY CAN BE INSIGNIFICANT.  THIS YEAR, THE SURPLUS OF POUNDS AND THE DEFICIENCY OF HAIR WERE AS STRONG AS EVER.  THE ABSENT-MINDEDNESS ABOUNDED.  I'VE DECIDED THAT THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED AND DIDN'T HAPPEN ON THIS BIRTHDAY ARE ALL POSITIVE.  LET'S EXPLORE......

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER:

It is my duty every day to ensure that my coworkers remember their day to monitor Read Naturally, a computer program  used to strengthen reading skills in students.  Most days, I have to remind my colleagues to get to their post when 9:10 rolls around!  Last year, my scheduled time was 10:00.  This year, it's 9:10.  On my birthday, it was my turn to do the monitoring, but I had it in my head that the time was 10:00.  I was 10 minutes late, but hey, I remembered!

HITTING BELOW THE BELT:

I only had one belt on yesterday.  Just about a month ago, I had a very busy day at work and didn't get to the rest room until later in the day.  When I undid my belt, there was another belt underneath it.  Simple as that, and hey, it didn't happen on my birthday!  

FROM QUIET AS A MOUSE TO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD:

I was always one to try to low-key my birthday.  Then the kids came along, and my birthday was common knowledge.  I remember one year, 1996 to be exact, I walked into the school to volunteer, and when my daughter's teacher saw me she exclaimed, "Happy 39th birthday!" It was indeed my  39th birthday!   Now in 2013, it's my 39th birthday again, and my Facebook friends were notified, and.....

THE PERSONNEL IN THE BUILDING WHICH I WORK VERY RECENTLY DECIDED TO  PUBLISH A MONTHLY BIRTHDAY CALENDAR AND GUESS WHOSE BIRTHDAY GOT  ON THE ATTENDANCE EMAIL WITH THE PICTURE ABOVE NEXT TO HIS BIRTHDAY GREETING?  THE OLD GUY IN THE PICTURE PROBABLY COULDN'T EVEN BLOW OUT THOSE CANDLES!  I BLEW OUT MY ONE CANDLE EFFORTLESSLY!  LOOK AT ALL HIS WHITE HAIR!! NOT SURE I WANTED MY BIRTHDAY PUBLISHED, BUT IT WAS KIND OF CUTE TO SEE THE KIDS' FACES LIGHT UP AND SMILE WHEN THEY WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  AND THOSE FACEBOOK GREETINGS?  I WANTED A LOW-KEY BIRTHDAY, BUT THEY REALLY WARMED MY HEART TOO!

MOOD SWINGS ON A CURMUDGEON'S BIRTHDAY:

NO, DON'T TAKE IT!
I HATE TO HAVE MY PICTURE TAKEN!

IF YOU PRESS THAT BUTTON,
I'LL KILL YA!

NOW YOU CAN TAKE IT!

GRANDMA'S GREAT GRUB AND GRANDCHILDREN:

I CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE GRANDPA JOE'S CAKE!

JEEZ, GRANDPA, DO YA HAVE TO TAKE A PICTURE EVERY TIME ONE OF YOU PICKS ME UP?

SIMPLY THE BEST:

A SMILE THAT BRINGS A FEELING NEVER BEFORE FELT!

ON MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR, THERE WAS SO MUCH GOOD NEWS!  OUR GRANDDAUGHTER'S SMILE GIVES US A FEELING THAT WE'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE!  A NEIGHBORS' DAUGHTER GAVE BIRTH TO HER OWN DAUGHTER, AND SHE IS ALREADY A LOVED BABY!  MY SON SPENT MONTHS PREPARING FOR A FEBRUARY 5TH AUDITION TO ENTER MILLERSVILLE UNIVERSITY'S MUSIC PERFORMANCE PROGRAM.   WHILE HE WAS WISHING ME 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' ON THE PHONE, AN EMAIL POPPED UP ON HIS COMPUTER SAYING THAT HIS AUDITION WAS SUCCESSFUL AND HE'S IN!

IN THE END:

YEAH, IN THE END, SOME THINGS TRUMP THE BIG BELLY, THE  THINNING  WHITE HAIR, THE NOT-SO-SELECTIVE MEMORY LOSS, AND THE INCREASING NUMBER REPRESENTING ONE'S AGE.  IN FACT, IN RETROSPECT, MAYBE NOT LOW-KEYING ONE'S MANAGING TO HAVE SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR SHOULD BE THE ORDER OF THE DAY!  I HAVE ENJOYED BEING ABLE TO HAVE A NOT-SO-LOW KEY BIRTHDAY!

                                                                                                                                         

What If......?

What if the sports fanatic's spouse joined him in watching a game? What if the reality programming fanatic's spouse joined her in watching a reality program or ten?  What if my personal timeline had been based on the world of reality programming instead of reality itself?

What if in the beginning, I was a boy who didn't get along with my family because we bullied and back-stabbed each other, cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if a nanny from television who resembled Michelle Obama came in and made us all eat right and get along better, taught Mom and Dad how to parent me, taught me how to turn my computer and video games off, and made me an obedient and better person all in just a few days? What if when the cameras stopped rolling, it was back to real life, and I returned to my demon child ways?

A little later on, what if my Mom enrolled me in a school of dance run by a tyrannic dancing diva? What if my dance friends and I were sane, level headed children, and just wanted to have fun and learn to dance, but our collective Moms bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied, and cried whenever they were together? What if our teacher put competition ahead of our education? What if there was a rival school's dancing diva leader who showed up to harass our teacher and there was more bullying, backstabbing, cursing, scheming, lying, and crying? What if there wasn't one of those moms or teachers that any real mom, dance instructor, or dance student would want to emulate in real life?

As time passed, what if I went to a big house with 25 gorgeous women who bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied, and cried? What if each was sure that I wanted to give her a rose, say that I had found true love with her, acknowledge her as my soul mate, marry her, and live happily ever after, and I was a naive optimist who thought I would find the love of my life on national television?  What if there wasn't one of those 25 women that any gal with common sense would really want to be, and what if none of them would really want to be with me when the season had ended and real life had begun?

When that ended, what if I gave up my stove, refrigerator, hot showers and indoor necessaries for the thrill of living for 40 days on some deserted island with fellow adventure seekers and we bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied, and cried? What if each wanted me to be on their team so they could blindside me and send me home on Day 39 without a prize? What if there wasn't a man or woman in the bunch that I wanted for a friend in real life?

While all this was going on, what if I was married to something called a real housewife, and she couldn't move her vary large protruding lips very well? What if she had a sculpted figure and hung out with many other women like her, and whenever they were together, they bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if in real life there wasn't a gal in the bunch that made being in that socialite atmosphere worth the financial bounty?

What if it was summertime, and I found myself in a house with lots of big brothers, and we were doing stupid people tricks to become the 'head of household?' What if when we were voted out of the house, we went to another house to be on a jury, and in both houses, we bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if there wasn't one person in the houses that would make a good big brother in real life?

What if eventually, I bounced from one singing, dancing, talent, cooking, and fashion designing competition to another? What if in each of them, there were these judges who kept scrutinizing my forte, and saying things that made no sense to me, but I kept smiling and nodding, though I made the wrong choices for my various talents? What if I regretted that I had not found a better table cloth and place mat set to make that dress, a better selection of sprouts to garnish that thing I cooked, chosen a song that was just right for me...no wait...one that was different and pulled out all the stops...no...what I said before?  What if my opponents were my friends and my enemies at the same time, and behind the scenes we bullied and back stabbed each other, cursed, schemed, lied, and cried as we strove to beat each other and get those judges' approval? What if my opponents and I were the real heart and backbone of the program?  What if some of those judges were to be admired in their craft, but others were sometimes inconsistent, ruthless, untalented and unqualified in real life?

What if the world of television returned to the days when there was only a handful of choices in television viewing, and we attempted to teach our children not to bully and back-stab each other, scheme, lie, and cry?  What if you didn't have to look to Sunday morning for inspiration and positive living?  What if  competition was clean and sportsmanship ruled?  What if we just let kids be kids again?  What if we became adults again?  What if.....?