What if the sports fanatic's spouse joined him in watching a game? What if the reality programming fanatic's spouse joined her in watching a reality program or ten? What if my personal timeline had been based on the world of reality programming instead of reality itself?
What if in the beginning, I was a boy who didn't get along with my family because we bullied and back-stabbed each other, cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if a nanny from television who resembled Michelle Obama came in and made us all eat right and get along better, taught Mom and Dad how to parent me, taught me how to turn my computer and video games off, and made me an obedient and better person all in just a few days? What if when the cameras stopped rolling, it was back to real life, and I returned to my demon child ways?
A little later on, what if my Mom enrolled me in a school of dance run by a tyrannic dancing diva? What if my dance friends and I were sane, level headed children, and just wanted to have fun and learn to dance, but our collective Moms bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied, and cried whenever they were together? What if our teacher put competition ahead of our education? What if there was a rival school's dancing diva leader who showed up to harass our teacher and there was more bullying, backstabbing, cursing, scheming, lying, and crying? What if there wasn't one of those moms or teachers that any real mom, dance instructor, or dance student would want to emulate in real life?
As time passed, what if I went to a big house with 25 gorgeous women who bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied, and cried? What if each was sure that I wanted to give her a rose, say that I had found true love with her, acknowledge her as my soul mate, marry her, and live happily ever after, and I was a naive optimist who thought I would find the love of my life on national television? What if there wasn't one of those 25 women that any gal with common sense would really want to be, and what if none of them would really want to be with me when the season had ended and real life had begun?
When that ended, what if I gave up my stove, refrigerator, hot showers and indoor necessaries for the thrill of living for 40 days on some deserted island with fellow adventure seekers and we bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied, and cried? What if each wanted me to be on their team so they could blindside me and send me home on Day 39 without a prize? What if there wasn't a man or woman in the bunch that I wanted for a friend in real life?
While all this was going on, what if I was married to something called a real housewife, and she couldn't move her vary large protruding lips very well? What if she had a sculpted figure and hung out with many other women like her, and whenever they were together, they bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if in real life there wasn't a gal in the bunch that made being in that socialite atmosphere worth the financial bounty?
What if it was summertime, and I found myself in a house with lots of big brothers, and we were doing stupid people tricks to become the 'head of household?' What if when we were voted out of the house, we went to another house to be on a jury, and in both houses, we bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if there wasn't one person in the houses that would make a good big brother in real life?
What if it was summertime, and I found myself in a house with lots of big brothers, and we were doing stupid people tricks to become the 'head of household?' What if when we were voted out of the house, we went to another house to be on a jury, and in both houses, we bullied and back-stabbed each other, and cursed, schemed, lied and cried? What if there wasn't one person in the houses that would make a good big brother in real life?
What if eventually, I bounced from one singing, dancing, talent, cooking, and fashion designing competition to another? What if in each of them, there were these judges who kept scrutinizing my forte, and saying things that made no sense to me, but I kept smiling and nodding, though I made the wrong choices for my various talents? What if I regretted that I had not found a better table cloth and place mat set to make that dress, a better selection of sprouts to garnish that thing I cooked, chosen a song that was just right for me...no wait...one that was different and pulled out all the stops...no...what I said before? What if my opponents were my friends and my enemies at the same time, and behind the scenes we bullied and back stabbed each other, cursed, schemed, lied, and cried as we strove to beat each other and get those judges' approval? What if my opponents and I were the real heart and backbone of the program? What if some of those judges were to be admired in their craft, but others were sometimes inconsistent, ruthless, untalented and unqualified in real life?
What if the world of television returned to the days when there was only a handful of choices in television viewing, and we attempted to teach our children not to bully and back-stab each other, scheme, lie, and cry? What if you didn't have to look to Sunday morning for inspiration and positive living? What if competition was clean and sportsmanship ruled? What if we just let kids be kids again? What if we became adults again? What if.....?
What if the world of television returned to the days when there was only a handful of choices in television viewing, and we attempted to teach our children not to bully and back-stab each other, scheme, lie, and cry? What if you didn't have to look to Sunday morning for inspiration and positive living? What if competition was clean and sportsmanship ruled? What if we just let kids be kids again? What if we became adults again? What if.....?
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