Like Starting All Over Again

Morning, afternoon, evening
New challenges, new light, new drive
That deep breath, like starting all over again
The calming count from one to ten
The simple things are not taken for granted
Like a June morning
It's a new day

By myself
The first cup of coffee of the day
No passersby, not yet
No sign of the second day of the heat wave, not yet
The creatures are still and happy
Each weed has disappeared and there is room
The new blooms are almost in season
The soothing dawn breeze
That deep breath, like starting all over again
The calming count from one to ten
Like a June morning
It's a new day

Morning, afternoon, evening
Like the first cup of coffee
Like the still creature
Like the breeze
Like the calm
Like the morning
It has to pass
The day's obstacles are not like the morning bliss
or like starting all over again
So, time let me breathe more deeply
Counting from one to ten
So the simple things are not taken for granted
Like a June morning
It'll be a new day

Bucket List

It's been four months since the stroke. I have wanted to see the third grade classroom, the kids, the teacher, and me together. You see, we were all there when the scariest moment we've ever experienced happened. The day for me was not scary after I was out of the school, but my semiconscious state left me feeling mortified in front of the children and a new teacher.

I wanted my wish. It wasn't planned. I was there at the school for different reasons, but I wanted to go back to see them before the summer break.

This word aphasia and this 'word retrieval' thing suck. I am slow. I have progressed, and sometimes I can't believe that I have a massive stroke in my medical records, but the speed rate of growth is diminished as the time goes. I want it to be faster. I want it to be all better. I have to wait it out. Maybe I won't be as I was and maybe I won't be able to do my job any more. 

The kids didn't care that day. Slow speech, careful word choices...genuine smiles all around. A pile of students' bucket lists for summer was ready to be sent home to me. I was so happy to receive them in person. I read them as soon as I could. My favorites were the outside activities at the beach and home. I am pleased that they want to have reading goals. I love that they play board games. It is good to see that they want to spend time with their families and friends.

Of course, a lot of them want to play video games, several of them want to prank their brothers, and one little soul wants to date!

I have still not made a bucket list. I don't prank my siblings, or date any more. I think I need to just do....yes, just do, and fill the bucket list with things I have done and check them off!

Is a bucket list item the same as a wish that comes true? Then I can cross off the day I saw the classroom, the kids, the teacher, and me together. Well, what do you know! I have a bucket list!!

70 Days of Baby Steps

70 days: feels like a couple, or a couple of years.

The single words have grown into a bumpy sentence. 

Baby steps...

In the beginning, I knew places.

Oops...stroke!

I knew where I was, but I couldn't tell you. They asked me where I was. 

I would point to the name of the hospital on the dry erase board on the wall. 

On those days, pointing was sufficient. 

Now I can say where I am most times, and I can pull that locale out of my brain. 

Baby steps...

In the beginning, there was Jackie and me. 

Then there were the vows: love and marriage, to have and to hold, for better or worse, and of course, sickness and health. 

Jackie's knee replacement problems have become troublesome, and I was her caretaker. 

I thought I was a vow guru. 

Oops...stroke! 

She was the new vow guru after those troubles.

Jackie has been getting stronger as a result of the staff of professionals who care for her. 

I have stayed at my sister's home, and family and friends made me into a passenger, and therapy and visits were possible. 

Now I can stay at my home in short increments. 

Sickness and more sickness...and health! 

We'll be back! 

Baby steps...

In the beginning, a paid photo license card was at my home. 

I had just days to get my picture taken. 

Oops...stroke! 

There was no license yet. 

A faulty brain brought fear of losing independence and then slowly getting it back.

A neurologist said there will be short trips, little traffic, and no highways. 

 Friends and family! 

One friend drove me to the Department of Transportation, and I have a license! 

I have driven two times, once with my son, and the second with my friend! 

I will drive!

Baby steps...

In the beginning, I was articulating, fluently reading, word loving, and teaching letter sounds. 

Oops...stroke! 

Soon it was Opposite Day. 

Preposterous pronouns.

The girls were the boys, and the boys were the girls. 

He was she, and she was he.

Actresses and actors, wives and husbands.

Vertable vowels.

It was a busy day for talking about my chicks and my chickbook. 

NO! Not about girls and a little black book!

 YES! My checks and my checkbook. 

It was a glorious day for sitting on the front porch with sun and warmth, and not the dick in the back where it was cold and shady.

NO! Not vulgarity or shady talk!

YES! The warm porch, not the cold deck, was perfect for lounging!

Slowly the sounds come trickling in as each faux pas is replaced.

Baby steps...

In the beginning, I knew names.

Oops...stroke!

Your names escaped me. 

I knew who you were, but I couldn't say your names. 

On the second day, my favorite possession became a pencil and paper. 

I knew where you lived. I knew where you worked. I knew who was in your home. Family and friends: A name is a precious thing, and I wanted your names back. 

I saw in my brain a neighborhood, and a map was there. Your homes were there and your names were there and I wrote! 

I saw a school building, and a map was there. I saw your classrooms and offices. Your names were there and I wrote! 

I saw my relatives, families together in a home. Your names belonged together and I wrote! 

Names, present and past, are back. You're back! 

Baby steps...

70 days: they came and went. 

There is more to do to get back the good.

There is more to do to dispense the bad.

Baby steps...