It's Halloween week, and there's a storm a-brewin'....a hurricane coupled with a Nor'easter! Everyone and everyone related to him is hitting the grocery stores, gas stations, and department stores. My wife, who is usually the one in storm preparation mode, is attending her 40th high school reunion in Avalon, New Jersey. So it's up to me, the one who usually nods his head in assent at every storm preparation request, to step up to the plate to get us ready! Everyone is headed to Walmart for the essentials. I have bread, peanut butter, baked beans, tuna, crackers, bottled water, and a plethora of other things that could keep us going for a few days should the power go out. But something's amiss. I haven't been to Walmart in over a week. I needed to go today just to say I did my duty as a alternate storm worrier.
The Mystery:
I went to Walmart, found the lettuce; bananas; paper towels; additional baked beans; canned vegetables; peanut butter; a loaf of cinnamon swirl bread (because I was living alone this weekend and wanted to do something really different and adventurous); a shoe rack to organize the shoes of my beloved Imelda Marcos wannabe; packaged fruit; fiber bars; the Halloween candy for our two hundred fifty plus trick-or-treaters; the list goes on......I was in good shape....UNTIL I got to the cashier. First, while placing my goods on the conveyor, I noticed a package of Cheese Curls and Vienna Fingers in my cart, and I know I didn't put them in there. I thought, I'm a bachelor this weekend and I'm not too fond of Cheese Curls, but I'm gonna live on the wild side and get me them Vienna Fingers! They'll go nicely with the cinnamon bread! So I did, and everything was honkey dorey.....UNTIL I got home and unpacked my stuff, and suddenly there were no bananas, no peanut butter, no cinnamon swirl bread.....I had a real mystery on my hands, and as I sit here and compose, it's time to solve it.
The Clues:
Theory #1......A Walmart customer was insanely jealous that he only had cheese curls and Vienna Fingers to get him through the storm, and swapped some of his inferior comfort food for some of mine. Nah, none of the stuff had been paid for yet. Why would anyone take something from someone else's cart when there's a whole store full of "saving money and living better?"
Theory #2......The cashier hid them. When it was time to pay for my wares, I presented two VISA gift cards, and neither one was accepted in their system, though I knew they still had balances on them. When I got home and noticed that some of the items were missing, I immediately checked the receipt, and they weren't on there. Nah, why would a cashier take them without charging me for them?
Theory #3......I grabbed someone else's cart right after getting the bread, the bananas, the lettuce, and the peanut butter (a.k.a. the items pulled from shelves in the front of the store). I added item after item, not realizing that I had someone else's Cheese Curls and Vienna Fingers until it was too late. Nah, too simple...I'm too careful. How could this ever happen to me?.
The Evidence:
Let's see....earlier in the week, I was having my nightly snack consisting of a small bowl of cereal, Craisins, and milk. I cleaned up, and went to bed. The next morning, I came down to make my usual oatmeal for breakfast, and guess what was in the pantry.....right next to the oatmeal? THE MILK! Another morning this week, I took out the American cheese from the refrigerator, the bread from the freezer, and other ingredients for my sandwich for lunch. When I started to make the sandwich, I noticed that the cheese was missing. I scoured the cabinets, the counter tops, the computer desk, and every other place I could imagine, to find the cheese. I didn't find it that morning, so peanut butter and jelly would have to do. The next morning, I began the routine of making lunch all over again, and when I went to get the bread out of the freezer, there was the American cheese in front of all the other frozen treasures. I swear it wasn't there the day before.....Honest!!!
The Solution:
These senior moments are taking their toll. I could say that it's Halloween week, and some Walmart customer or cashier is 'Gaslighting' me. I could say that I was taken aback by this week's lesson in Reading which involved eliminating the negative attitude as we read. Don't Be A Curmudgeon was the moral to be learned. The visual aid used in the lesson was a sketch of a curmudgeon, drawn by a coworker. Another coworker was sure that I was the prototype for the sketch. Alas, though it cannot be absolutely proven, theory #3 is the most logical explanation of what happened in that building full of Roll Ups and Roll Backs.
Be safe in the storm and
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
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