Pay It Forward; My Lenten Sacrifice

Well look at me now...and look at You-know-who, too! We're on our way to a healthy life. It wasn't so good for us in 2015. Our household was turned upside down. From October of 2014 on, it was chaos and then recovery. You-know-who got a new knee; then she sprung a leak in the incision; then in January of 2015 I had a big stroke (Yadda-yadda-yadda...); then You-know-who had her second surgery in March of 2015 after the leg was infected, and spacers were inserted instead of a knee; then she needed to be in a short-term nursing home to get the infection out and the therapy in; meanwhile, I couldn't live by myself, so my sister took me in and she and kind and generous family members took me to therapy sessions; then we had our Easter dinner (a la my daughter) at the nursing home; then You-know-who was allowed to go home and get stronger; then in May of 2015, the third surgery on the same leg revealed that the infection was gone and new spacers were put in, and she was ready for a new knee; finally in June of  2015, the fourth and final surgery was done and the new knee was in. (Eureka!)

Writing? I can't lie. I haven't written a word in six months - most of 2016. I used every trick in the book for making excuses. I had the biggest writing block ever. Writing is slow for me. I have things to do, and I can't fit in everything I want to do. I get tired, etc. They are excuses, and they are legitimate, but I want to fill the gap during the dormant time so I can go back to what I love to do...After the excuses.

I have been blessed. I would estimate that I have recovered about 85 percent from my illness. I have an abundance of stamina and a wealth of information and wisdom in my little injured brain. Words have trouble travelling from the brain to my mouth, but if I search I can find them. We've been helped by doctors and nurses, therapists, family, friends, work friends, church friends...the list goes on. (Yadda-yadda-yadda...)

So, we must pay it forward and sacrifice. I'm not a good Catholic. I'm not good at sacrificing. I've not practiced this thing called Lenten sacrifice.

This year, someone we'll call you-know-who-in-law, fell on unfortunate times. First, she had a sick cat, and she used her own money to care for it with medicines and love. Then, the blizzard of 2016 struck. Soon, she needed to get hygiene supplies from her car at midnight in the dark in the cold and in her underwear. She fell and broke her leg and ankle. She was transported by ambulance to the hospital. Surgery followed. The surgery was done, and a rehab facility stay was necessary. Then, you-know-who let the forces know that you-know-who-in-law would be released to MY house to recover. She would not be able to walk for weeks, and a bed would be set up in MY family room that overlooks MY kitchen. Then, the cat died. On February 10th, 2016, you-know-who-in-law came to MY home to recover.

So, the family room had a bed with You-know-how-in-law in it. There were medications; supplies; a wheelchair; a walker; her snacks; WIFI; and, of course, a phone...and on weekends, her 8 year-old son came to stay. I learned a lot during this period of time, and necessity has changed me for the better.

I sacrificed my quiet time, and I re-learned tuning out noise. Countless children played, fought, screamed, cried, and one-upped each other in my family room from the late 1980's through the 2000's. In 2016, I first listened, then tuned out countless phone conversations about the cat, the injury, and her life with who ever she talked to. As I recovered from my illness, my stamina grew, and the hours worked at my job grew. Coincidentally, it was around the time that You-know-who-in-law was staying at my home that I was able to stay at work for the whole school day.  It's a comfort that she has many friends and contacts, and is loved. I am blessed that the children have grown well, and You-know-who-in-law is stronger.

I sacrificed my favorite bathroom to her. Several years ago we updated our kitchen and powder room, and it has one of those new toilets with a button with three dots for number one, and an another with nine dots for number two. It saves water, and Cheap Me could push my own buttons anytime. I have known You-know-who-in-law  for more than three decades, and I know she has always spent time in the bathroom. She has painful hemorrhoids, and Preparation H should be the anecdote, but it has something in it that makes her uncomfortable. So, she sent me to Walmart to buy some generic lube. I didn't know what she was talking about, so she explained what lube was. 

She said, "You know, like K-Y." I thought maybe it was something made in Kentucky; or maybe it was loosely named after a television show called Kyle XY. Or maybe, the show was named after the product. I didn't know; but now I got it, and I went to get it. I didn't know how do buy it. Should I have been carrying it in my hand through the store. Should I have been clenching it in my grip so nobody would see? Or, should I have been proud, flaunting it and depositing it onto the register conveyor with a smile? I said nothing, nobody else said anything, and there were no guffaws. You-know-who-in-law was more comfortable. I sacrificed my bathroom, my dignity, and gained strength and guts.

I sacrificed my slow progress of getting back into driving for longer trips. You-know-who-in-law's surgeon was forty-five minutes away, and there were no highways, thank God! My record post-stroke for driving was twenty to twenty-five minutes. It was a Monday, President's Day, and I was off from work. I thought I'd take her there and back in three hours. But no, there were crowds of patients in the waiting room. Then there was paperwork. Then there were X-rays. Then there was the visit with the surgeon. I was the keeper of the wheelchair...from the trunk to the pavement, and from the pavement to the trunk. Did I forget to mention that our nephew was with me during the angst filled journey? Did I forget to mention that it was snowing...hard? Did I forget to mention that I do not like snow? What was supposed to be a three hour excursion wound up being five and a half.

There were more trips to the surgeon during You-know-who-in-law's stay. There were no more trips with snow. I became stronger and more confident as a 'new' driver, but I will never get over my loathing of snow and cars together. I've returned to being a curmudgeon! The surgeon was a funny man, and picked on her about her situation, and how she got hurt.  The last visit to the surgeon gave us the news that she would be able to go home. He said, "Leave these people alone!" Then, he turned to me and said, "I expect flowers and Flyers tickets!" We laughed. We were relieved and happy. You-know-who-in-law and I left the office and entered the elevator whose walls were covered in mirrors. I looked at myself in the mirror and did the happy dance...spontaneously and excitedly. We laughed again.

I am still not a good Catholic, and I still don't know about mandated sacrifice, but You-know-who and I have paid it forward. From February 10th, Ash Wednesday, until March 24th, Holy Thursday, You-know-who-in-law was ours. She has always been ours, and she will always be ours too. She turned 50 while she was with us, and some of her oldest and dearest friends came to surprise her at our home. They love her, and she is theirs too! She was cared for, and we were the caregivers, like it or not. We checked that You-know-who-in-law was medicated, fed, watered, and nurtured. We love her even more than ever - like one of our kids, and if that isn't a Lenten sacrifice, I don't know what is!

~Dedicated to You-know-who-in-law, with love...