Pregnant

Summer 1986 - Joe, Jackie, Kevin and PREGNANT!!

I am the proud father of four.  Four children...four pregnancies...years of experience and wisdom.  At this point, it would be criminal of me not to share my most prized pearls with future dads:

First,  do not worry about the birthing experience being as nauseating as the ones in the videos you are shown in your childbirth classes.  To view the birth of one's child at a proximity that close would just be weird.  I remember the anxiety I felt, thinking that one hundred percent of my visual perception at the birth would be the birthing area and the baby coming out only...not true!  The room, the medical staff, the machines and monitors...they're all there and visible and the actual birth will be your focus, but  much smaller and NOT everything you see.  The technology that enabled the making of the childbirth videos...it's just wrong!

Second, when it gets to be a later time in the pregnancy, the lovely mom-to-be's comfort in the bed begins to diminish as she gets hotter and more showy. She'll be tossing and turning and will undoubtedly work her way over to your eighth of the bed at some point during the night.  You just suck it in and nestle...for in just a short time there may be a kid between the two of you and you'll wish for your eighth and her seven eighths of the bed back.

Next, let's say hypothetically that you are in charge of getting a meal together for your family, and your beautiful wife is in her first trimester of her second pregnancy.  She is prone to feeling sick with this one.  You decide to make a meatloaf.  The recipe calls for breadcrumbs or oatmeal and there are none to be found in your kitchen pantry.  You frantically look for a substitute because you don't really feel like packing kid #1 up to go to the grocery store to get the missing item.  You beam with excitement when you find a box of Golden Grahams and immediately substitute the breadcrumbs with them.  Upon serving the masterpiece of a meatloaf and watching your partner take the first bite and make a face reminiscent of Lucy tasting Vitameatavegamin for the first time, you learn that you NEVER put Golden Grahams in meatloaf.

Additionally, during that final time of labor called transition, all the dependency of your partner on you for breathing and moral support goes down the toilet.  She's in pain and may say things that are not as joyful as the first parts of the whole experience.  You don't want to eat peanut butter crackers right before this stage, no matter how famished you are.  She WILL call you Peanut Butter Breath and reprimand you in front of any hospital staff member who is within earshot...and they WILL be within earshot!

...and finally, what's this thing called 'nursing' anyway?  At this point, yet another transition is made.  What was once hidden from the outside world is now the food source of this thing that came out of WHERE?  Suddenly, those things once hidden are exposed on demand and the kid is satisfied. 

None of my four pregnancies were alike and all were a gift.  Go on now!  Succumb to it!  Enjoy it all.  For someday you will have made it to the transition of watching the youngest getting ready to leave...and when you have reached this stage, you will have anecdotes for your kids to enjoy, and pearls of wisdom that will bring a smile.  So, what have I really learned about the pregnancy thing that I can share to help the next guy get through his own pregnancy?  NOTHING!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!

When you're part of a pair who's with child,

And you say "'til next time" to the wild,

         Don't fear the position,

         Embrace the transition,

When the kid's shown his face, you'll have smiled.................