.....Not signs of getting older, SIGHS of getting older!
#10. You are attending a church function, and standing and talking to a fellow parishoner. A gal you haven't seen for years is also in attendance and has seen you talking to the guy. She assumes that he is your son, whom she hasn't seen in many years. Nothing offensive here except that your son is 26 years old and the guy you were talking to is 40. Can you say Big Brother?........Sigh........
#9. You are preparing your daily morning fiber fix and go to pour cinnamon on your oatmeal. You forget that one side of the lid of those containers has little holes and the other side is just one big hole. Well, you have inadvertantly opened the wrong side of the lid and suddenly have a quarter cup of cinnamon on your breakfast. It's frowned upon to eat that much cinnamon, no matter how much your declining memory will improve............Sigh.........
#8 You have taken notice of your sudden sensitivity to the temperature and draftiness of your house in the winter, and you run upstairs and put on your favorite Cardigan sweater. When you return to the family room to get comfortable, your wife takes great pleasure in telling you that you look like Mr. Rogers in that sweater............♪♪♫♫It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, A beautiful day for a neighbor, Would you be mine.......♪♪♫♫........Sigh...........
#7. Circa earlier this century......A coworker decides that you look like Fonzie....a.k.a. Henry Winkler. You suddenly feel the need to interject that she's not talkin' the '70's Fonzie with the 'Hey' and the 'Whoa' and the motorcycle....she's talking the 00's Fonzie with the white hair and the seasoned skin, weighing ten or fifty pounds more than he did in the '70's. She decides to ask your other coworkers if they agree. She doesn't say, "Doesn't Joe look like Fonzie?" She says, "Who does Joe look like?" You would have welcomed Fonzie or Henry Winkler as an answer to that question, but instead the responses ranged from Alfred Hitchcock to Albert Einstein.... Sigh..........
#6. Your fascination with Ebenezer Scrooge and grumpy old men has earned you the title of curmudgeon from your coworkers. One of them has just become familiar with the term, but likes the sound of it, and thinks it appropriate to prominently label your workspace with a post it saying Curmudgeon Joe. Coincidentally, it is announced to you that a teacher in the school has given the word curmudgeon as a word-of-the-day. When the teacher comes into your room, you show her your new identification post it and you both get a good laugh. Before you can say Bob Cratchit's your uncle, a usually quiet mannerly young student from that teacher's class begins calling you Curmudgeon Joe. He says it so that only you can hear it. You accept that coming out of his shell moment and move on......Sigh.....
#5. Sometime later, the same student from #6 above is sorting spelling word cards and some fall on the floor. He looks at you and you at him, and you reveal that you're retired from picking things up from the floor. Your new name, at least from this young man, is Curmudgeon Joe Who is Retired From Picking Things Up From the Floor, and is whispered so quietly, and with such an innocent smile, that the act is deemed an act of endearment, not one of disrespect. If it were any other kid.......Double Sigh......
#4. You get a call from your cheerful auto insurance representative informing you of the new discounts you've earned on your auto insurance! Being a cheap....er.....frugal person, you welcome any discounts you can get. Your ecstacy turns to dissatisfaction when you learn that the discounts were given to you because you are now 55 and still alive...........Sigh........
#3. You remember fondly the days when a friend or neighbor would pass by in a car that boasted an individual expression of who he or she was. You recognized the smiling face behind the wheel, and waved and smiled back. That type of acknowledgement warmed your heart, for you've always relished being accepted and liked. Then one day, that friend or neighbor behind the wheel waved and you couldn't see a face as a result of tinted windows, similarly designed vehicles, and, of course, your deteriorating eyesight. You've begun waving and smiling to every car that passes. Your wife wonders why you wave to every vehicle you see, for she is still eyeing old folks' Homes for you. "Who's that?" she'll say. You reply, "I don't know." The search for the Home is hastened.........Sigh........
#2. Circa March of 2010: You are introducing a new vocabulary word to your fourth grade small group. The word is DISCARD. You ask for prior knowledge of the word. A young lady in your group raises her hand and tells you that it's what happens in old people's card games. You ask what an old people's card game is. She says, "You know." You answer, "No I don't!" She chortles and says, "Yes you do!" You grimace and say, "No, I don't!" She belly laughs and yells, "YES YOU DO!" You grind your teeth and say, "NO I DON'T!" She laughs uncontrollably and shouts, "YES YOU DO!!" Being the adult in the group, you appreciate the moment, reel the group back in, explain DISCARD, and move on to the next word......Sigh........
#1. Circa today: You don't like clutter. You have this illness called Putitawaybeforeshe'sfinishedwithit-itis and it gets worse every year. Of course, the she referred to herein is your wife and she is cooking an Irish St. Patrick's Day dinner. As soon as she leaves the kitchen, you assume she's finished for awhile and put the knives in the dishwasher and the spices in the cabinets prompting her to take the things out again and say, "If you put one of these things away before tonight, I'm calling the Home!" She sounds serious, so for the rest of the day, when you put things away, you take them right back out again 'cause she's serious!.......Sigh......
In honor of the day, I'm posting in the colors represented on the Irish flag. My Facebook status for today reads: I am not Irish, but I married a little Irish, and my kids are a little Irish, and some friends are a little Irish, and I ♥ a little Irish! Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!
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